It’s that time of year again my friends – “New Year, New Me!”
Ugh.
Perfect. Just what we need in our lives – more pressure.
I don’t subscribe to New Year’s resolutions, but I am setting some big goals for myself this year. I’ve never really been one to set goals. I’ve been more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal. I thought I’d try something different this time around, so I’ve spent the last week eyeballs deep in spreadsheets and trackers to outline my habits and get myself organized.
It has me wondering why I haven’t followed through with habits in the past. I’ve chatted with many clients over the years about why we avoid the things we know are good for us. Too often, there’s a sense of failure. Like we’ve failed as humans because we haven’t nailed that daily yoga practice once and for all.
Here’s the reality:
Life is hard, messy, and full of conflicting responsibilities. Taking care of ourselves takes energy and effort. And most of the time we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and struggling to manage the load we’re already carrying. So no, we didn’t do our stretches today. And it’s no wonder.
If that sounds familiar, give yourself a few boatloads of compassion and understanding. I’ll give myself a few now too
I’ve identified a few of my biggest hurdles, along with some reframes I’m focusing on that I hope will be helpful for you too:
1. Too much, too soon.
"I can do all the things all the time!"
Oh, how I wish I could, but overwhelm and chronic tension have made it very clear that I can’t. So let me hang up my Superwoman cape for now. While the all or nothing mindset is deeply woven into our culture, it’s not sustainable for real humans with real lives and real bodies.
Reframe: Start small. Build capacity. Grow from there.
Next Steps:
Instead of trying to change everything at once, consider:
- What’s doable right now?
- In the context of your whole life and all that you’re responsible for, what do you have the bandwidth for?
- What’s the one small thing that would make everything else feel a little easier? A little lighter?
Sometimes the best place to start isn’t the habit we want to do. It’s the one that helps us feel more resourced so we can do the rest.
More sleep, anyone?
2. Resistance feels gross. Avoid it like crazy.
"It feels hard or uncomfortable, so that must mean I should avoid doing it."
When I’m not wearing my Superwoman cape it’s because I’ve traded it for my Queen of Procrastination crown. Following through and creating new habits has always been hard for me, and is always met with great resistance. It feels thick, dense, and heavy, and requires a lot of energy to work through. So I avoid doing the thing. And I stay stuck.
Sometimes resistance is fear. It’s that little voice inside your very complex human system that’s saying, “This feels hard or scary. Are you sure you want to do this?!”
And sometimes it’s a sign that you don’t (yet) have the capacity to do the thing. But – you can build it!
Reframe: Normalise resistance. It’s part of the process.
Next Steps:
Instead of avoiding resistance, can you:
- Lean into it?
- Notice where you feel it in your body?
- Stay present with it long enough to discern which of the above messages it’s giving you?
Feeling how and where resistance shows up in your body is a great first step in skillfully working your way through it. Understanding the source of it comes next. The path forward becomes clearer from there.
3. I go into “fix it” mode, thinking I can bypass the process.
"I’m tired of being where I am or dealing with “x”. I need to fix it yesterday."
Ahhh fix it mode. The all too familiar tornado of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. The impatient desperation of needing to bypass the discomfort of engaging in the process and actually doing the work that will nudge me forward.
The process is the messy middle. The liminal space between where you are and where you want to be. It’s the in between. The muck. The yuck.
I’ll be the first to tell you how gross the process feels. Sometimes it hurts and it’s hard. And it takes time, more than we'd like it to. This, I think, is the hardest part of all.
Reframe: Prioritize the Process.
Next steps:
Your mind may want to live somewhere in the future, but your body is always in the present moment. If you notice yourself slipping into “fix it” mode, can you:
- Anchor your awareness in your body?
- Notice what you’re feeling right now?
- Slow down your exhales?
Fixing keeps you in a stressed state. Leaning into the process allows for ease. There’s a softening. There’s more space for learning, understanding, change, growth, and resilience to take hold. It’s through the process that you get to know who you are underneath it all.
That’s not something to be missed.
Wrapping it up
So there you have it. My three biggest hurdles when it comes to setting goals and meeting them: doing too much too soon, resisting like crazy, and obsessing over results. Sound familiar? I get it.
Growth isn’t linear. But it’s not all or nothing either. Maybe it’s not about completely reinventing ourselves. Maybe it’s more about refining our approach.
Deanna McDevitt
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